Like any other skill, managing anger takes practice. The next time you get angry, try these approaches:

• Write out a clear statement: I'm angry because:

• Study your anger. Make a list of reasons why this makes you angry.

• Visualize yourself in the room with the person. Write down what you would say to that person.

• Choose a time to talk that is good for you and the other person. Maintain eye contact and a calm voice while talking.

• Put yourself into the other person's shoes. Allow yourself to be "wrong" some of the time.

• Avoid blaming, attacking, or bringing up other grievances.

• Use "I" statements. "I get angry when..." Blaming statements often start with "you": "You never..."

• Can the situation be changed or avoided in the future? If the answer is yes, think about how that can be accomplished. If the answer is no, work toward acceptance. Remember, you can't control other people's behavior, but you can control the way you respond.

• Use relaxation techniques such as deep breathing exercises or imagery—focusing on a peaceful place, thought or sound.

• Write a letter to the person with whom you're angry. Refrain from delivering the letter for a few days. When you review it, you may decide to take another approach.

• Find a physical outlet for anger, such as exercise or housework.

• Set a time limit for anger. Then let it go.

• Use positive self-talk: "I'm angry but I can get on with my life or my job."

• Know your limits. Seek counseling if anger continues to be a big problem for you.

It helps to practice anger management techniques with a neutral person. Get together with a friend and take turns role-playing, each assuming the role of the person the other one is angry with.