Like any other skill, managing
anger takes practice. The next time you get angry, try
- Write out a
clear statement: I'm angry because:
- Study your
anger. Make a list of reasons why this makes you
yourself in the room with the person. Write down
what you would say to that person.
- Choose a time
to talk that is good for you and the other
person. Maintain eye contact and a calm voice
- Put yourself
into the other person's shoes. Allow yourself to
be "wrong" some of the time.
- Avoid blaming,
attacking, or bringing up other grievances.
"I" statements. "I get angry
when..." Blaming statements often start with
"you": "You never..."
- Can the
situation be changed or avoided in the future? If
the answer is yes, think about how that can be
accomplished. If the answer is no, work toward
acceptance. Remember, you can't control other
people's behavior, but you can control the way
- Use relaxation
techniques such as deep breathing exercises or
imageryfocusing on a peaceful place,
thought or sound.
- Write a letter
to the person with whom you're angry. Refrain
from delivering the letter for a few days. When
you review it, you may decide to take another
- Find a
physical outlet for anger, such as exercise or
- Set a time
limit for anger. Then let it go.
- Use positive
self-talk: "I'm angry but I can get on with
my life or my job."
- Know your
limits. Seek counseling if anger continues to be
a big problem for you.
to practice anger management techniques with a neutral
person. Get together with a friend and take turns
role-playing, each assuming the role of the person the
other one is angry with.